Wendigo's tale, part 1(Prologue)
Lähetetty: Ke 19.05.2004 21:23
Noniin, tämmöisen tein prologin tapaiseksi, tämä jatkuu vielä (valitettavasti? Se jääköön nähtävksi...).
Wendigo's tale
Booming thunder of falling shells and crackling sounds of lasfire shrieked around him, as he, lieutenant Wendigo raised his famous power sword high and shouted. “Men of Cadia 48th! Forward! And guardsmen followed him. They fixed bayonets and surged towards enemy, traitor regiments of chaos. At the same time, their comrades kept giving covering fire for their friends with their autocannons and missile launchers. Traitors tried to stop them, but men Cadia 48th stood firm and fired back, just before they leaped to first trench. Suddenly, hellish soulfire and lighting leapt onwards, stopping all actions for a moment. Then the smoke disappeared, and there stood the great unclean one, greater daemon of Chaos.
Citizen Wendigo rose from his bed, wet for sweating all night and fed himself with nutrient rations of day. “It was just a dream, but I take it as a sign from the Emperor, this is my destiny. I shall lead men of the Empire on battlefield to great victories! With my faith in Emperor and his aid, I will purge the unclean and bring faith in emperor to everywhere! After three days, Wendigo enrolled himself to newly founded regiment of Cadia 48th of the imperial guard. “This must be a sign from Him”.
During his training, Wendigo constantly prayed for Emperor to give him a chance to prove his skills in action. Wendigos endless praying did not go unnoticed though, as in last week of training, alert came. “Wendigo! Those bugs are swarming us! Take that flamer over there and go to barracks, you must guard them for those damn scarabs!” Nostein, sergeant of Wendigos unit commanded. Wendigo grabbed flamer from the wall and ran to barracks, where scarabs were already swarming everywhere. “Die you scum!” He shouted as he ignited his flamer and burned every scarab with promethium fire.
After this incident, lieutenant Blackfire called Wendigo to officer’s cabins. “Soldier Wendigo, I have heard of your achievements of today’s fight, and I must say I’m impressed. I heard that you destroyed quite a many of them, correct?” “Yes sir, about thirty, sir. They were not so promethium resistant after all, sir.” Sergeant smiled. “Good lad, I’ll promote you to sergeant for this.” “Thank you, sir. I won’t let you down, sir.” Wendigo replied and prepared to leave, but lieutenant interrupted. “You’d better keep that promise because we are going on a campaign next week, keep your men ready, sergeant Wendigo.”
noniin, antakaa tulla, ette varmana jaksaneet lukea loppuun/pitäneet tästä!
Wendigo's tale
Booming thunder of falling shells and crackling sounds of lasfire shrieked around him, as he, lieutenant Wendigo raised his famous power sword high and shouted. “Men of Cadia 48th! Forward! And guardsmen followed him. They fixed bayonets and surged towards enemy, traitor regiments of chaos. At the same time, their comrades kept giving covering fire for their friends with their autocannons and missile launchers. Traitors tried to stop them, but men Cadia 48th stood firm and fired back, just before they leaped to first trench. Suddenly, hellish soulfire and lighting leapt onwards, stopping all actions for a moment. Then the smoke disappeared, and there stood the great unclean one, greater daemon of Chaos.
Citizen Wendigo rose from his bed, wet for sweating all night and fed himself with nutrient rations of day. “It was just a dream, but I take it as a sign from the Emperor, this is my destiny. I shall lead men of the Empire on battlefield to great victories! With my faith in Emperor and his aid, I will purge the unclean and bring faith in emperor to everywhere! After three days, Wendigo enrolled himself to newly founded regiment of Cadia 48th of the imperial guard. “This must be a sign from Him”.
During his training, Wendigo constantly prayed for Emperor to give him a chance to prove his skills in action. Wendigos endless praying did not go unnoticed though, as in last week of training, alert came. “Wendigo! Those bugs are swarming us! Take that flamer over there and go to barracks, you must guard them for those damn scarabs!” Nostein, sergeant of Wendigos unit commanded. Wendigo grabbed flamer from the wall and ran to barracks, where scarabs were already swarming everywhere. “Die you scum!” He shouted as he ignited his flamer and burned every scarab with promethium fire.
After this incident, lieutenant Blackfire called Wendigo to officer’s cabins. “Soldier Wendigo, I have heard of your achievements of today’s fight, and I must say I’m impressed. I heard that you destroyed quite a many of them, correct?” “Yes sir, about thirty, sir. They were not so promethium resistant after all, sir.” Sergeant smiled. “Good lad, I’ll promote you to sergeant for this.” “Thank you, sir. I won’t let you down, sir.” Wendigo replied and prepared to leave, but lieutenant interrupted. “You’d better keep that promise because we are going on a campaign next week, keep your men ready, sergeant Wendigo.”
noniin, antakaa tulla, ette varmana jaksaneet lukea loppuun/pitäneet tästä!
Mutta sitten Wendigon heräämisen jälkeen tarina alkoi vähän kaatua. Ei kielellisesti, siinä ei ollut ongelmaa, mutta kerronnallisesti. Ainakin dialogit olivat aika tönkköjä ja väkinäisiä, ja tapahtumat menivät vain ohi ilman ongelmia. Ja vielä pahempi, kuvailua. Sitten äkkiä porukka onkin jossain Keisarin siunaamina ja Wendigo liekittää muutaman örvelön. Kieli on todella hyvää, kerronta vähän takkuilee. Yritä olla pelkistämättä tekstiä myöhemmin, tee tästä tarina, ei kertomus. Sitten sanon että tämä on hyvän sijasta loistava.