Sotavasara.net

Kyllästyneenä Arktikalaisteni paikallaan polkemiseen, ajatteli aloittaa uuden tarinan. Tällä kertaa englanniksi. Pahimmat virheet olen yrittänyt poistaa, mutta pyydän silti anteeksi mahdollisia (ja varmasti monia) virheitä.
Itse tarinasta sitten. Tapahtuma paikkana on Mordheim (kaupunki jakso jäänyt päälle?), jossa Warwolfs-niminen warband alkaa etsiä jokun tiettyä jalokiveä. Juoni valottuu tarinan edetessä, mutta tuo riittäköön toistaiseksi. Toivottavasti pidätte turinoistani, joskin myönnän hätäilleeni Susi Rykmentin kanssa. Nyt yritän olla maltillisempi.
Ja Henrikistä vielä en verran halau sanoa että hän murtaa jossain määrin skottilaisttain, joten älkää ihmetelkö outoa kirjoitus tapaa.
Mutta, nyt kun pakolliset (?) alkusanat on turinoitu, varsinaisen tarinan kimppuun. Nauttikaa!

Part 1.: Why always me?

A lonely figure stood on the hill, watching what used to be a glorious city, but what had been so corrupt it had been punnished by the gods themselves. Johan Wolf, the man standing on the hill, had never tought of comming to this cursed place. When he was a mercenary he had gone to places no normal man would go, but this was something a bit different. This city, the city of the Damned, the Cursed city, Morheim, was something that gave him chills by just looking at it.
The city had once been one of the most famous and fabulous city of the Empire, but now all that remined was ruins. And wyrdstones. An that damned jewel he and his crew had come here to look for. Johan was a Middenheimer, so he belied in Ulric, but he cursed his friend Henrik by almost all gods he could remember. As a strong and cold autumn wind blew coldness to his bones even trough his heavy and thick coat and winter cloak, he once again tried to remember why in hell he had promised to come, again mutering curses to Henrik...

It all started in a small village called Varaka. It was about in half way of Kislev and Wolfenburg, so it was quite wealty place, because some merchants prefered to use it as their route to Wolffenburd and onward to Middenheim, rather than first going south following th river Urskoy and than turn to north.
In one of the about half a dozen taverns, Johan couldn't remember wich one, he was drinking a quite taste beer and watching the other from the corner on the right of the frontdoor, so he could dee everybody entering the building. A bad habit, Johan said to himself while taking another gulp from his mug. The tavern was quiet at this time of evening, most of the merchants and their drivers already sleeping, for they had to get in time to markets in Middenheim. Ofcource some were still talking about contracts and how they could "benefit by combineing their forces". Nonsence, they would stab each others backs as soon as they had the chance.
-Guess thats how the world works, Johan mutered to him self. He noticed that he was runninig out of beer, so he waved at the waitress.
-How may I help you, the girl asked. Johan had heared that her name was Lucina. She was about eighteen- or nineteen- years old, and she had a blonde hair, deep blue eyes and her dresses front was imbressively deep.
-Could I get another one, Johan asked raising his empty mug.
-Of cousce, Lucina answeredm taking the mug and headed to the ale-room. Johan look after her as she walked trough the floor. Than he shook his head and muterd: -Your too damn old.
Lucina came back and gave him the beer and Johan paid for it, giving some extra coins for the girl. She smiled to Johan and went back to speak to her employee and wait if someone else needed something. Fine girl, Johan tought. She reminded him about another girl he had met once about twenty years ago, when he had just started being a mercenary. She had been so sweet....
Johan quickly took a deep glup of his beer, hoping it would keep the other memories away. He sat in his corner long after the sun had gone down and most people, including the owner, had gone to sleep. Finaly he sighed and was startin to leave, when the door swang violently open and something big and hairy came in. Johan quickly grapped his sword that was beside him and prepared for the worst.The creature was huge, more closer to seven than six feet. It was too dark so Johan couldn't see it clearly, but its face seemed to be like a bush. Slowly Johan noticed it was actually a man. He was wearing a long grey cloak, and his face was like one of a bear. His hair and beard were black but here and there one could see places where grey started to take over. His eyes were sharp and in his other hand he had a huge axe, wich seemed to be nearly weightles in his hands. Some sort of reconisation slowly cleared Johans eyes.
-No... It couldn't... It shouldn't...
-Hoi! Bartender, ale and quick! the stranger shouted with a loud and deep voice that seemed to shake the whole room.
Henrik Gotter. Nicknamed the Axe-Bear. Some also called him Axe-Beard, but only a few said it twice. He had been one of Johans comorades in the same mercenary group. What by Ulric was he doing here?
Henrik sat in to one of the tables, leaving his axe next to him. Lucina brought the beer, but Johan could see that Henrik was frightening her. Damn bush-troll! Johan almost went to shave that darned beard, but decided to remain seated. Herik took the mug and with one huge gulp he emptyed the whole mug. He swepped hid beard with his hand, while Lucina was trying to take to mug and get away from this monster.
-Hoi, gal, before you go, Henrik said. -Could you tell me is here a man called Johan Wolf. I'm looking for him and I was told to look here.
Johan sighed. This couldn't be good.
-I'm here Henrik, he said before poor Lucina could get a voice out of her mouth.
-Aah, Johan, old lad! Henrik shouted. -Come here and shake old friends hand, eh?
Johan took his sword and hat and mug and went to the same table where Henrik sat. When he came there and was about to shake hands, Henrik took him into a mighty bearhug. Henriks laughter bounced from the walls and Johan was sure that it could be heared all the way in Lusturia. After a few more moments Henrik relised Johan, and he started rapidly gasping for air. With a wide grin Henrik order two more beers.
-Make that three, he than added as if he had remembered something.
-Three? We expectin some one? Johan asked as he now started to get air again.
Henrik seemed to grin a bit wider and shouted: -Son, get ya arse over here!
A young man apeared on the frontdoor. He also wore a heavy gray cloak and his clothes were also totaly grey. He had a grim face, and one could see a small beard on his chin. He also had black hair and greenish eyes. He also was quite a big man, altough maeby not as big as Henrik, but the diffrence could have been measured in mere inches. He had a longbow in his hand and a dagger on his belt. He started to walk towards Johan and Henrik, and Johan could see that altough this man was young, he was also a cepable warrior and experienced hunter.
-Johan, this is me son Will. Will, say hello to yer dads friend, Johan Wolf.
Will nodded lightly as did Johan as they both examined each other. Johan was bald, over 40 years, but he was still in good shape and his experience was an advantage for him. He also still hunted, this was the reason he was in this small town. Johan had his sword in his left hand, but he also had a pistol hidden in his clothes. Finaly Will grinned lightly and nodded again, this time a bit deeper a with more respect. Johan nodded also, knowing that if they would start fight, there was no guaranty of the winner.
Then Lucina came whit three full beer mugs.
-Aah, finaly! Henrik shouthed. -Thank you, lassie.
Now Lucina also noticed Will, and Johan could see how her eyes changd. Wills eyes too got a somewhat dreaming gaze. He prayed Ulric and all other gods who might be listening that this story would have a happy ending.
-Now, lets get down to buisness, Henrik said looking at the beer almost the same way as the two youngsters were looking at each other. Johan could only roll his eyes. So they started to drink, as Lucina brought them more drinks as soon as they got the previous load down their troats. Johan was quite invenssed, that the girl did this only because she wanted to see Will. At one point he said that it might be good idea to let the youngstrs to get some rest. Henrik agreeded, for he too had noticed the long stares between the two. Lucina did try to argue that if she left there would be noone to serve drinks. Johan replied that they could get the drinks them selves and that everyone else had gone sleeping already. After a short- very short- consideration she took Will, who was looking a bit puzzled, upstairs. Johan and Henrik hid their grins as long as they could, but then started laughing outloud.
-Hoo, to be a young man again, Johan finaly said.
-Amen, Henrik replied as he got them more beer. Than they started to be more serious.
-So Henrik, I quess your not here just to see my face.
-Aye, I have a proposal for ya.
-Proposal?
-Aye. We'd get a lot of money for doing a little thing.
Johan was still spicious. Usually things Henrik called easy were so hard that it wold take an army to do it.
-How much? Johan asked.
Henrik leaned closer.
-Fifty grand.
This stopped Johans hand as he was going to take anothet swallow.
-In gold?
-Aye. Pure gold crowns.
Johans intrest started to mount.
-So what is this, "little thing"? he asked.
Henrik got a bit uneasy and Johan senced it. Not good.
-Oh, just to get some fancy jewel, Henrik said whit avoice s if he wasan't saying everything.
-Spit it out, Henrik. I'm listening.
-From... Mordheim.
Johans heart missed one beat. Mordheim. City of the Damned. Everyman's nightmare.
-No.
-Och, come on, Johan. I already got us a crew. Even old Rigner came.
-Rigner? Erik Rigner?
-The only one.
Erik Rigner, a legend in the northern parts amongst the spearmen. Killed an Orc War Boss all alone with his spear at the age of 17. This realy impressed Johan.
-Hmm. Who else?
-A couple of younger guyis, few bowmen, including me son, and a couple of spearmen too. All we need is a captain.
Johan tought about it. 50 000 gold crowns. Plus whatever those dark ruins hided beneath its surface. He could live the rest of his life like royals.
-I'll think about it.

And the next morning he had promissed to come. Now he tried to convinse himself he had done the right thing. He had met the other at Bechafen. Spearmen Erik Rigner, Jack Monton and "Dog" Stiege. The bowmen Will, Matt Drieg and Hans Halbrea. Henrik would be his right hand. And the waitress Lucina had also come with them, swearing that she would die if Will left without her. So she was recruited as a meidc and cook. And here they were. At the gates of the only city no man would enter with light heart. Johan sighed and shooked his head. than he turned his gaze to the cloudy autumn sky and asked:
-Why always me?
When no answer came Johan sighed again and returned to their camp, so that they could determine how to enter this cursed city, and to make sure everyone remembered what they were looking for.
-No god-cursed jewel is worth this..., Johan muterd angrily as it started to rain.

Ja palutteen tynkää, jos saanpi pyytää...

Oliko tämä kansan mielestä näin huono, vai oliko aihe vain sellainenne ettei paljoa ketään kiinnosta...? Meinaan hurjat 30 kertaa luettu, itse nelisen kertaa...

No jaa, pistän tuota jatkoa kuitenkin tässä lähi aikoina, kunhan saan sen vaan valmiiksi. Mutta silti toivoisin jonkinlaista palautetta tuosta ekasta pätkästä.

Valitettavasti täytyy todeta, että englanninkielen taitosi ei ole tarpeeksi hyvä proosan kirjoittamiseen. Sanojen kirjoitusasuvirheet, lauseiden väärät sanajärjestykset ja yleinen kankeus teki ainakin minuun sellaisen vaikutuksen etten loppuun asti jaksanut lukea. En ole lukenut suomenkielellä kirjoitettuja juttujasi, mutta veikkaisin että pärjäisit sen kanssa paljon paremmin. Aihe oli ainakin kiinnostava.

blurred kirjoitti:Valitettavasti täytyy todeta, että englanninkielen taitosi ei ole tarpeeksi hyvä proosan kirjoittamiseen. Sanojen kirjoitusasuvirheet, lauseiden väärät sanajärjestykset ja yleinen kankeus teki ainakin minuun sellaisen vaikutuksen etten loppuun asti jaksanut lukea.

[Syvä huokaus] Harmi. Uskoin että osaisin kirjoittaa ihan kelvollista englanntia, mutta... No jaa, joutunen sitten jatkamaan suomenkielellä.[/Syvä huokaus]

Ihan keskiverto-turinaahan tämä.
Suurin miinus tulee kyllä ihan liian lukuisista kirjoitusvirheistä. Teksti tahtoi olla paikoin vähän tönkköä ja sanavalinnat olivat outoja. Esimerkkinä "he and his crew". Crew ei oikein tahdo ollenkaan sopia tuohon. Group, gang, mates tai muu vastaava voisi toimia paljon paremmin.
Että joko paljon vielä paneutumista näihin englanninkielisiin tarinoihin, tai sitten sovinnolla kirjoittaa suomeksi, sen verta paljon noita virheitä tahtoi olla.
Mutta muuten oli ihan mukava pätkä, tavernan tunnelman pystyi hyvin kuvittelemaan.

Päätin kirjoittaa vielä tämän toisen osan englaniksi, mutta jatkosta en tiedä. Jatkaisin mielelläni näin, mutta...

No jaa, murehditaa sitä jatkoa sitten myöhemmin. Nyt, nauttikaa tästä, if you can...

Part 2.: Beginners luck or...

The ruins of Mordheim. A place that has seen hundreds of skirmishes. Young Will Gotter surveyed the ground. It was hard to belive that this place had once been a great city. All the buildings had eiher collapsed some how or near to it. Spooky place, Will tought. Looked like a place where mens worst nightmares could just jump out from the next corner at your face. The morning air had been cold, but now it seemed to bee even colder, and Will could feel chills all the way in his bones.
Will belonged to Johan Wolf's Warwolfs, an Middenheimer mercenary group that was searching for a jewel of sorts. Wills father, Henrik, had made a deal to find it, and to get a bit extra from the wyrdstones they would find. Than he had persuaded couple og his old friends, including Johan, to come with him to search it. They had all said yes.
Ofcourse there had been a small suprice. Lucina, a waitress they had met in the inn where they had found Johan, persuaded them to take her with them, saying that "if Will would leave, she would die". Will had a mixed feelings about this girl. Sure, she was beautiful and nice and all that, and they had spent a night together at her old working place, but Will still felt uneasy. All seemed to happen so fast...
Suddenky Will heard something and it ripped him back to the street he was walking on. Hans Halbrea, another bowman, was on his right side and motioned to him that the should take cover and wait for a while. The group had scatered that they could cover more ground, but everyone tried to make sure that if enyone ran into trouble, other could get there quick. Now it seemed that it was just Hans and Will against what or whoever made the noice. They waited for a time and Hans motioned that he would go foward. Will nodded and looked down the street they were following. The street was full of small stones and rocks and all sorts of junk. At the end of the street apeared to be some sort of huge fountain. Will looked for anything unusull, but saw nothing. Hans waived at him to move up, when he took cover from a buildin almost next to the fountain. Will sprinted to next cover on the house left of Hans. Again they waited for a brief moment, but again saw or heard nothing. Will took an arrow and made it ready even really noticing it. Hans again started to advance, close to the right side of the street. When he was about half-way to the fountain, Will saw finaly who had made the noise.
A group of Orcs appeared to the streets beyond the fountain.
-Hans! Will shouted and shot the arrow, hitting one of the orcs, but the arrow seemed to have no affect on it.
Hans was already running back towards the safety of the ruins as an arrow flew near him but hit the ground few feet too early.
But Will wasn't so lucky. The Orc must have had a good day, for he hit Will, but it apeared to be only a scratch. Will threw the arrow away as he prepared to shot again. This time too he hit, but the Orc just kept comming. Will noticed that the fountain divided the orcs into two small groups, other trying to reach Hans and the other to get to him.
Will grinned, even tough he didin't really see anything amusing in the situation. Than another arrow flew towards him, but he was quick enough to dodge it, eventough it hit his cloack. Another arrow hit the ground few feets ahead of him. Hans was now also shooting, and hit an Orc, but this one had an armour, of sorts, and so the arrow didn't harm the beast at all.
Will took a good look of this Orc. It was a bit bigger than the other and it seemed to be the boss. It had a rough and a bit rusted armour and a helmet, and it looked to Will like it had something red around its eyes. Will again concentrated on the Orcs on his side of the fountain, and as he was prepareing for another shot, an arrow hit an Orc. It had come from their right flank, and soon as the arrow hit the orc the rest of the Warwolfs charged. One of the spearmen, Dog Stiege Will regonised, hit one orc to to groung before it could figure out what was happening. The Orc didin't move after that. Johan himself charged at an Orc that was next to the fountain, hitting the orc so that it fell and hit its head hard at the fountain. But Will consentrated on the figure that pushed trough the ruins yelling:
-Trying to hurt me son, do ya! Well come here ye basterds and I make you sorry for the day yer uglu parrents met!
An unlucky Orc stood near the house Henrik literary cut his way trough the rubbel. Henriks was covered with dust an he looked like a ghost, or a deamon, his eyes nearly glowing with anger. The Orc was paralyzed with fear, but still managed to pull out a small dagger. But than Henrik saw it and he charged with his huge axe above his head. The Orc screamed with horror and raised the dagger to a last, hopless protection against this apparently un-earthy figure. It seemed like the time had slowed as Henriks axe started to lower to the strike that shatered the dagger the Orc was holding and cutted the poor creature almost in half. As soon as the axe touched the ground Henrik started to look for another victime.
On the other side of the fountain the Orcs started to argue about something, and even tough the boss tried to get them stop this, they just continnued. Almost half of his men lost and the rest arguing, the boss decided to fallback. He gave one very angry look at the 'umies that had humiliated it. Than it left with its now even smaller warband, that still yelled curses on each another.
-Well, that was a nice warm up, what d'ya say? Henrik asked with a wide grin.
-Everyone okay? Johan asked.
-They ain't, Dog answered with a small smile on his face, pointing at the bodys.
-I think we are all fine, sir, Will said as he and Hans joined the others. At the same time one more figure enterd the plaza. Erik Rigner, a speraman legend in his time, ran to the others huffing and puffing.
-Wh- what happened? he asked while trying to steady his breathing. Rigner was around his fifty's, andhes beard and hair were almost totaly white. His face looked very skinny and wrinkled. When Will had seen him first time, he had tought that the poor old man would collapse under his equipment, but even tough Rigner started to be old he still seemed to have some health in him.
-Oh, nothing much gramps, Dog answered. -Just a nice little carnage.
-Any luck? Johan asked, before Dog would get himself killed.
-Didin't find any jewels, Matt Driege, one of the marsmen said,- but I did find this.
Matt took something from his pouch and shoved it to the others. It was about Matts hand sized rock, that seemed to be green.
-Is that what I think it is, lads? Henrik asked, his voice thick of exitment.
Johan looked to rock closely and than he nodded. -A wyrdstone.
The men howled, and the sound reminded a bit like wolf's howl. Johan actually trembled a bit.
-All right, lets see if theres more around here, he said and strted to walk toward the ruined houses around them. When sun started to set, they had found two more stones, but they were a bit smaller than the one that Matt had found. When they returned the inn they stayed, Lucina was waiting for them.
-What happenned to your hand? Lucina demanded to know when she saw Will hand.
-It's just a scratch..., Will said, but Lucina just took his hand and took him upstairs.
The others steared after the two for a short time and then looked each other and than started to laugh.
-It seemes that we'll have grandfather amongst us soon, Johan said grinnig and looked at his old friend.
Henrik just grinned to his beard and order beers for everybody. He even volunteered to pay the first round.

Ja sitten sitä palautetta, jos saan luvan pyytää.

en tykkää tosta englannista, mutta annan bonusta koska mordheim tarinoita on niin vähän.

Stoori hyvä, mutta enkku vähän niin ja näin. Jos otsikossa jo lukee wolfs eikä wolves, niin...

tarinan sijoittaminen Mordheimiin on todella hyvä idea. Englanniksi kirjoittaminen tuntuu hienolta idealta, kun kielitaitoa riittää ja pelitkin ovat englanniksi. Valitettavasti silti harva englantia vieraana kielenä puhuva pystyy kirjoittamaan todella sujuvasti englanniksi, vaikka virheitä ei paljoa olisikaan. Hyvää harjoitusta se taatusti silti on, ei mene hukkaan.