pieni muotoinen tarina

[Guardsman]

Vähän lyhyt, mutta kokeilu taisteluraportista.

RESIVED: CADIAN SECTOR COMMAND
DESTINATION: CADIAN 76TH REGIMENT SENIOR OFFICER
TRANSMITTED: CADIAN 76TH WHITE COMPANY OUTPOST
AGRIPINAA SECTOR – AGRIPINAA PLANET
DATE: 5143999.M41 LOCAL TIME – 3 DAYS BEFORE SIEGE TO THE CADIA
TELEPATHIC DUCT: 051/3HJ234
REF: CADIA/6723/NEC.
AUTHOR: COMMANDER OF THE CADIAN 76TH WHITE COMPANY

76TH Cadian White Company Battle Report
Units: 76th White Company Green Infantry Platoon
76th White Company Red Conscript Platoon
Command HQ
Patriot Squadron Sentinel – Catachan Pattern

Mission 1 – Reconnaissance

12.34 AM - Entering to the city of Naguli: Intelligence reports (see Intelligence Report 1624/56S) that city is was destroyed during Tyranid Hive Fleet attack and is now all ruins. Our mission was to secure an entrance to City of Naguli. Our forces entered from the east of the city and captured a control point at the near by building, indicated on the map as building n.6. We where informed by the Naval Intelligence that the would be some Tyranids in the area. Course the dense city terrain I ordered to spilt the Green Platoons 2nd Squad to two five man squads to cover more mobility. Green Platoons Command Section, led by Lieutenant Norton, was positioned with 2nd Squad 1st team in building n.6. Me, my command staff, Conscript Platoon and 2nd Squad 2nd team stayed behind the buildings and Green Platoons 1st Squad deployed there Heavy Bolter at building n.4. Sentinel was lurking behind building n.3.

12.45 AM – Resistance detected: Lieutenant Norton reported enemy activity in the area and Sentinel confirmed them as traitor space marines. This was unexpected and I ordered Green Platoon to give fire support while Conscripts would assault the enemy. I my self and my command staff would accompany Conscripts. While we assaulted cross the opening Lieutenant Norton ordered the 2nd team to capture building n.5. Traitor marines where overwhelmed by heavy bolter and plasma firing. Chaos forces didn’t try to capture more buildings and only kept firing from the building no.1. Sentinel moved to support us from our northern flank, but was destroyed of the bolter and plasma shots. Chaos Lieutenant charged us from our southern flank. Command HQ moved to fight with the traitor leader and Conscripts fought against the assaulting chaos marine squad who where fairly outnumbered by the support fire. After killing traitors leader and marine squad the traitor heavy bolter squad took revenge and almost entirely killing Conscripts. Missile launcher from the Command Section took two marines out from the building no.1. where the last squad was.

13.05 AM – Position Secured: Traitor marines pulled back and we where able to take control at the city entrance. We had lost almost entirely Red Platoon and did lost the Sentinel. May Emperor be merciful to their souls. Green Platoon was at fully strength. We called the armor and reinforcements before attacking deeper to the City of Naguli.

MAP

I 1 I-I 3 I-I 5 I
IW I-------I D I
I 2 I-I 4 I-I 6 I

1 - 6 = Buildings
W = Water Silo
D = Debris
- = Street

Duty and Honor

YOUR OBEDIENT SERVANT
COMMANDER OF THE CADIAN 76TH WHITE COMPANY
CAPTAIN RAINHAWK
Transsub.042/032/23F4.C

[Guardsman]

noh...?

[Icingdeath]

Hyvä tarina (tai pikemminkin kertomus) ja battlereport muoto on kiinnostava, mutta paljon kirjoitusvirheitä. Suosittelen, että kirjoittaisit ensi kerralla suomeksi. Virheet eivät ole mitenkään valtavia, mutta ne katkovat lukemista ikävästi.

[Andromedus]

Ihan hienohan tuo kertomus oli. Virheitä oli ehkä kaksi mutta eivät haitanneet lukemistani yhtään. Kirjoita joku kertomus kun tiedän että susta olis varmaan ainesta siihen.

[Guardsman]

Ihan hienohan tuo kertomus oli. Virheitä oli ehkä kaksi mutta eivät haitanneet lukemistani yhtään. Kirjoita joku kertomus kun tiedän että susta olis varmaan ainesta siihen.

Saameksi vai huonolla englannilla*?

Josihan yrittääkkin suomeksi jotain...

[Andromedus]

Ei nyt huonolla englannilla ja saameakin ymmärrän.

[Guardsman]

Voisi yrittää pitempää kunnon fluffia siitä vanhasta taustasta ja samalla rakenteella.