Elikkä joo, mun uusi tariana alku. Nimi on hiukan harhaanjohtava kun mulla ei välttämättä sellasata suurta mittelöä löydy. Ja yietysti sieltä voi virheita löytyäkkin, mutta ottakaa selvää ja kertokaa mitä olette mieltä.
BATTLE FOR SENTINEL
Trip to Sentinels
The ”Guardian”, Dauntless class light cruiser was patrolling in the borders of the Sentinel worlds in Eye of Terror.
Reactor officer Michael Enders looked out of the three rocks what formed the Sentinel worlds. He was young officer and just arrived to the ship before the patrol. He sat to the chair next to his desk. His quarters where small, window and opposite it the door to the corridor. Another side of the room was his bunk and another side his closet and the desk. Dataslate, a small hand held plate with a screen was laying at the desk. Some information was shown from the ships plasma reactor. Suddenly somebody knocked the door and the door slide open. A Guardsman entered the room. “Sir, reporting last hour data.” Enders turned to face him. “Thank you private. You can go now.” Just when Guardsman was leaving he turned to look desk drawer what was little opened. Enders sow him opening the drawer and he slowly moved his arm to side of the desk and to his briefcase. Guardsman took a book from the drawer, it was black and it’s inter leaves where like a blood red. “Oh my Emperor! This a traitor book, what a…” Just before ending the sentence he saw a metallic blue thing just next to his face. Enders was pointing him with a laser pistol, every officer had one as a side arm. “I need to report you!” Guardsman was taking a step back and Enders said “Don’t you go!” He took a good aim and just before pulling the trigger he said “You don’t have to report me…” A bright flash lighted the room and moments after Guardsman dropped to his knees and then fell down to the floor. Enders took his briefcase, hosted his weapon and pushed the body under his bunk. After checking that none hearted the shot he stepped to the corridor and logged the door to his quarters.
The 76th Cadian regiment was onboard at the “Guardian” and the regiment’s highest ranking officer, Colonel Meenger was giving orders to the different company’s of the regiment. Every company had a captain and they all had their second in command officers with them. A young Lieutenant Rainhawk was among these officers. He was formerly stationed under the Tactical Imperial Colonial Authorities command and was just re stationed to White Company’s Red Platoon as a commander. After the briefing White Company’s captain ordered Rainhawk to inspect the troops. He left from the briefing room and took the alleviator to troops quarters. When he was stepping out from the alleviator somebody run against him and they both felled down. The man was Reactor Officer Enders. Rainhawk stood up and helped Enders. “You should look where you are going. Good thing anything bad didn’t happened.” Said Rainhawk and noticed the briefcase on the floor. Rainhawk picked up Enders briefcase and just when he lifted it the briefcase opened. Some papers, dataslate and two small boxes dropped. Boxes where small explosives and Rainhawk tried to take them. Enders kicked him, took the explosives and ran to another alleviator. Rainhawk tried to catch Enders before he could reach the alleviator but Enders locked the alleviator doors just when Rainhawk reached the alleviator. Rainhawk looked the data panel on the wall to see where the alleviator was going. It stopped to reactor deck. Rainhawk took the alleviator when it came back and pushed the reactor deck button.
Enders kept running to the reactor room. He saw a huge plasma reactor. This reactor was at least quarter of the ship it self and was powering all the ships main drives. A small sun in the sentry of the reactor core was glowing in blue. Enders armed his explosives and started to place them on ships bulkheads. Rainhawk entered the reactor room and took his laser pistol. He saw Enders arming the another explosive and tried to sneak him, but the floor was metallic and Enders heard his steps. Enders turned and started to shoot with his pistol. Rainhawk took cover, but didn’t shoot back course he could hit the explosive. Navy officers laser weapons had a smaller battery and Enders started to change the battery. Rainhawk pulled his sword and charged Enders. He’s sword went trought Enders chest and Rainhawk killed Enders. Enders body laid on the floor and Rainhawk looked the explosive on the bulkhead. It wasn’t armed. “I need to report this.” Rainhawk said started to walk to the door. He remembered that there vas a another explosive also. He looked to another side of the reactor room and saw the first explosive on the bulkhead. He saw some LED numbers on it and he noticed that it was armed. Rainhawk ran to nearest control room and tryed to contact the command bridge. Suddenly floor shacked little and alarm went on. “Reactor room pressure dropping. All personnel to the escape pods. This is not a drill.”
Ships commander, Captain Williams entered the command bridge. “What the hell was that!?! Why is the reactor pressure dropping?” He said and First Mate turned to him. “There was a small explosion in reactor room. Security reports that Reactor Officer Lieutenant Enders planted some explosives in the reactor rooms bulkheads.” Williams walked to the chard desk witch was showing three dimensional picture of the ship. “How bad is the damage?” Asked Williams from the First Mate. “The reactor rooms pressure is dropping fast. Enders planted two explosives, but thanks to Cadian 76th White Company’s Lieutenant Rainhawk who stopped Enders before hi could arm the second explosive, the damage was only this small.” “Can we repair the damage?” Asked Williams. “No we can not. Plasma reactors core is coming unstable and will explode in manner of minutes. I have already given the order to abandon the ship, but we steel need your confirmation.” Williams nodded his head and First Mate give the order to abandon the ship.
Rainhawk was running along the corridor to the escape pods. Lots of people where gathered around the alleviator. Rainhawk saw Sergeant Norton and he’s girlfriend on the crowd. “Hey! Norton!” Rainhawk jelled and Norton saw him. “What the hell is happening?” Asked Norton. “I’ll tell you later, now we just need to get to the escape pods deck. Is there another way than this?” Asked Rainhawk and but Norton shacked his head. “No there isn’t. Well, not near.” The alleviator came down and much people rushed to get in. Norton and his girlfriend tried to get in the alleviator, but they couldn’t both go at the same time. “You can go first , I will come at the next.” Said Norton to his girlfriend “No, I’n not leaving you!” “We don’t have much choices here, I will came with the next, I promise.” Alleviators doors closed up and Norton stayed to watch when alleviator started to go up. “He will be fine…” Said Rainhawk. A voice was talking from the main speaker. “Plasma reactor core is becoming unstable. General warning…” Floor started to shake again, but much roughly than last time and people where falling down. Then some small noise was coming from the alleviator shaft. Like a metallic harsh. Noise was just getting stronger and stronger when suddenly the alleviator cell flashed when it was going down. Norton ran to alleviator window saw the alleviator exploding when hitting the bottom of the shaft. “Why she? I shouldn’t let her go to alleviator, this all my fault.” Cried Norton. Rainhawk stepped to him and said. “How do you know she is dead? Maybe she wasn’t in the alleviator when it dropped, maybe it was coming down then. Get a grip soldier. We need to get to hell out of here!” “Yes Sir…” Norton said with little hesitation. “Is there any other way of this bucket of bolts?” Asked Rainhawk and a man walked to him and said. “I’m Pilot Lieutenant Maxell. I’m the flyer of the Imperial Thunder Hawk gun ship. The craft it self is at the maintenance bay.” Norton stoop up. “Hey, it’s near. Can we get there?” asked Norton. “Yes we can. I have the security key to the doors.” Answered pilot and Rainhawk asked. “You said that the craft is in maintenance bay. Are you sure it’s operational?” Pilot nodded. “Good, so we shall go to the maintenance bay. Let’s move!”
Foot steps pounded the floor when the group of people where running to maintenance bay. Pilot, Norton and Rainhawk at the lead. Then another alarm came. “Plasma reactor core malfunction. Decks 5 trough 8 are offline. Power lowering…” Last door to the maintenance bay was ahead and pilot rushed to open it. Pipe line on roof cracked up. Busted light set the gas up in flames and a huge fire flow was coming at the people. Fire burned the people at it’s way. Some ten people already where another side of the door and Rainhawk closed the door before the flames could reach them. Bulkheads started to make noise. Some obstacles dropped from the roof at the bay. The Thunder Hawk was at the center of the bay. There wasn’t any damage on ship. Pilot ran up to the launch pad and opened the ramp to the ship. Everyone rushed in and door closet up. “Let’s hurry up, this place is history in a moment!” Shouted Rainhawk. “Come with me Lieutenant, I need a co-pilot.” Rainhawk followed Maxell at the cockpit an sated down at the co-pilot seat. “Starting main drives. Checking main systems. All green, starting up engines.” Launch pad was rotating the ship to the launch position. “Sir, we have a problem, the computer is not accessing my code to open the launch doors.” Raihawk looked out the window and said. “There’s a laser cannons on both sides, use them.” "Are you sure?” Asked pilot. “It’s our only chance.” Rainhawk said. Laser cannon where deploying at the firing position and pilot pushed the fire button. Bright laser came from the both cannons flashing the way out. Thunder Hawk’s engines burned the fuel and gun ship flew out. Speeding of the ship they saw ships reactor exploding as a bright blue star and ripping the ships hull in to pieces. “Guardian” was destroyed by a traitor. A one man. “where are running out of fuel, the ship wasn’t full when we took off.” Pilot said to Rainhawk. “We just need to fLy our ship to the nearest Sentinel planet.” Thunder Hawk took a course to nearest planet. Now will the real adventure begin.
TARINA! ...jesh...
TARINA! ...jesh...
Our navigators consider it highly probable that they'll end up here.
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Andromedus
- Viestit: 1968
- Liittynyt: Su 06.10.2002 19:57
- Paikkakunta: Savonlinna, Itäisten arojen linnake
Ihan ok tarina. Kirjotus virheitä nyt on jonkin verran, ku ne korjaisit niin ois jees. (esim. jotain aikamuotoi on väärin etc.)
Nopat & Taktiikka Ry
Pääkaupunkiseudun pelikerho
Figuharrastetta insinöörin putkiaivoilla: Engineered Gaming
Pääkaupunkiseudun pelikerho
Figuharrastetta insinöörin putkiaivoilla: Engineered Gaming
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Andromedus
- Viestit: 1968
- Liittynyt: Su 06.10.2002 19:57
- Paikkakunta: Savonlinna, Itäisten arojen linnake
Joo muutamaa virhettä lukuunottamatta ihan sujuvaa tekstiä jokseenkin ajoitukset niinkuin tämä:
He pointed the gun to the guardsmans chest and said: "You don´t have to report me". Then he pulled the trigger and the imperial soldier fell to the floor like a ragdoll.
Eli pieni ero mutta silti. Ja samoin, vois kuvailla enemmän mitä tapahtuu esim. Rainhawkia potkaistaan niin miltä hänestä tuntuu.
Voisit myös laittaa että se(kaartilainen) odotti että Enders poistuu ja sitten hän menee katsomaan sitä lipastoa.
Muuten sulla on ihan sujuvaa tekstiä.
Voisivat olla näin:He took a good aim and just before pulling the trigger he said “You don’t have to report me…” A bright flash lighted the room and moments after Guardsman dropped to his knees and then fell down to the floor.
He pointed the gun to the guardsmans chest and said: "You don´t have to report me". Then he pulled the trigger and the imperial soldier fell to the floor like a ragdoll.
Eli pieni ero mutta silti. Ja samoin, vois kuvailla enemmän mitä tapahtuu esim. Rainhawkia potkaistaan niin miltä hänestä tuntuu.
Voisit myös laittaa että se(kaartilainen) odotti että Enders poistuu ja sitten hän menee katsomaan sitä lipastoa.
Muuten sulla on ihan sujuvaa tekstiä.
On se kumma että sain potkut työstäni vaikken mitään tehnyt.
mut pliis suomeks 
