Adventures of Ahnold, PART 3: The Fallen

[hullukoira]

This is the third part to the adventures of the heroic space marine hero, Ahnold. In here, we are given some outrageous revelations as to Ahnolds mysterious past. We will also meet few 40K celebrities! All this will no doubt make the overly serious amongst you reach for Alga Seizer!

Still, all should remember that these Ahnold stories are written purely for fun, so they should not be taken as a part of the Official 40K history. Of course, this does not mean you cannot make a special character out of him for your games of warhammer 40K!

This part is quite long, so I suggest you print it out. To save your eyes, see?

But on to the story already!



The adventures of Ahnold, part 3: The Fallen


Darkness fell. From the wilderness, strange cries of alien beasts echoed. In the distance, the heavy gates of the eldar fortress shut with a deep BOOM. Ahnold, the heroic space marine, was left standing upon a darkening dune, naught but a codpiece on. The air was getting colder. Ahnold shivered.

Not out of fear, that shiver! Hah! How dare you even suggest such travesty? For Ahnold was not afraid. Yes, he was alone and unarmed. Yes, he was in the middle of an alien desert, and night had come. But this did not dismay Ahnold. For he was not called the bravest space marine hero for naught!

Ahnold grinned in the semidarkness. He flexed his mighty muscles. Popped his joints. This was what he lived for. This was the primal state. Here, he would become one with the hunters of the night. He would survive by his wits and by his enormous musculature. He would hunt. And then he would do some BBQ, for Whisperer, bless him, had stocked Ahnold codpiece with not only the two bolt pistols, now lost, but also with a box of matches and a Marbo (tm) hunting knife, the one with the compass in the pommel.

Verily Bristling with confidence and eager for a scrap of the local meat, Ahnold stepped lightly on. Straight upon a deadly scorpion.

'Aiii!' screamed our beleguered hero, stooped down to inspect the stinging critter, found it was of the deadliest variety, and fell to the sandy ground, unconsious. So much for the hunting trip then.

And all, as they say, was darkness.

*************************************

'So you're finally awake.'

Ahnold blinked in the sudden brightness. It was daytime. He was laying upon soft, sweet scenting grass. Looking around he saw a beauteous environ. The land was green and rich, and upon yonder hill, a verdant forest rose. High above, green clouds skimmed over the rainbow coloured sky.

Ahnold looked about for the speaker. The man was found standing in the shade of a mighty fir tree. The stranger was of mighty build, the size of Ahnold. He was handsome and strong of chin and attired with a white tunic and a brass cuirass. On his belt, a slim sword hung.

'Who,' started Ahnold, but instantly checked himself. For he hated being a cliche, and thus there was no way he was going to blurt out the clicheed questions that people tended to put forth when they awoke in the company of a stranger in a strange land. And anyway, he was a smart man. He could well find out the facts without silly clichees. Narrowing his eyes, Ahnold went into cogitative mode.

'Come, you have questions, I'm sure. Ask away,' said the stranger kindly, stepping to. Ahnold felt a strange feeling of deja-vu. For the strange man looked very familiar. But where had Ahnold seen him? Oh yes. In the mirror. For the man was the very image of Ahnold! If a bit older.

'I could ask,' Ahnold rumbled, 'who you are. But it is not neccessary. For it is clear I have been sucked into the Warp. Those green clouds really are a dead giveaway. And that means you are a fell enemy!'

And with that Ahnold launched himself at the doppelganger! He moved with the speed of one trained to kill without hesitation! His fists shot out... but met only air! For the stranger had leaped aside just as agilely!

'Nice one,' grunted Ahnold. 'But I was just warming up!' And with this one, Ahnold launched into a real offensive, trading blows and kicks like a real master! But the stranger was just as good! He sidestepped and blocked every strike Ahnold made, without seeming effort!

The lesser daemons that had gathered around, as they tend to do in these daemonic realms, were very impressed by all this. Immediately they daecommed up their fiends to see an ace scrap. For it was not every day they had the chance to watch a mortal combat!

Amongst the daemonic folk, there was also a reporter from the Warped Times. He was instantly shooting the action with a tiny demograph, all the while scribbling notes with a tentacled arm. And thus it was that Ahnold became an instant celebrity even in the daemonic realms. Which he thought pretty cool when he heard about it later!

But the attentive crowd did not help Ahnold one bit. His hits just did not land upon the stranger. So he decided to change track, and pulled the Marbo (tm) knife out of his codpiece. The damonic crowd were verily amazed at this. For in the daemonic realm, it was damned hard to get a hang of a genuine Marbo (tm) knife. Usually they had to make do with rusty axes and stuff. Which was pretty lame. This was the modern era after all, and even amoebas had firearms. But not daemons. Oh no. It was SO unfair.

Seeing the knife, the stranger just smiled and whipped out his this sword. The blades met with a sparkle of sparks! Stab! Slash! Cut! Thrust! went Ahnolds knife, so fast that even the four eyed damons had trouble following! But again, every blow was met! the stranger really was good! But Ahnold did not give up. Even though he was tiring, he kept up the offensive.

Suddenly, a look of alarm filled the strangers mien! And faster than Ahnold could thought possible, the man changed from defence to offense! In came the sword! Out flew Ahnold's Marbo (tm) knife! In came the stranger's boot! Out came Ahnold's breath! And as Ahnold fell to ground, gasping for air, he felt the keen blade press upon his neck, drawing blood!

'Ask!' the stranger barked, pressing upon the sword. 'Ask who I am! Now!'

'All right, all right!' Ahnold huffed. 'No need to get so worked up. So who are you then, fell chaos scumm with two mms???'

'I', said the stranger, with a pause for effect, 'am Warmaster Horus. And I am also your father.'

Before Ahnold could react to these outrageous claims, there was a queesy twist in the reality. The ground blinked in and out. Ahnold could feel himself falling up to the rainbow sky. Before he lost it totally, he thought he heard the stranger cry out a final farewell:

'Farewell, son... For now... I will send my sons to claim you...'

And then all was, once again, darkness.

****************************************

Till a light returned.

***************************************

'So you're finally awake.'

Ahnold came to. To his immense relief he realized he was lying upon a sand dune. There was a nasty stinging sensation upon his left foot. The scorpion! So he had not died after all! Well, that's one of the perks of being a space marine! Thanks to some nafty marine implants within his gullet, the poison had been neutralized!

Ahnold opened his eyes and scanned the surroundings for the speaker. The stranger was found squatting next to him. An old, gaunt man, cloaked in cloth that once upon a time might have been white. Upon the strangers back there was a stylished space marine powerplant, and also an ancient looking, scabbarded sword. As the man rose, Ahnold could see a flash of dark green armour beneath the deep robes.

Ahnold rose too, carefully putting weight to the stung foot. It felt all right, if a bit weak. Raising his look, he saw a most welcome sight: A whole squad of space marines, enclosed in a dark green power armour. Dark angels.

'Man,' Ahnold sighed. 'aren't you the sight for the sore eyes, brother Dark Angels. For I just had the most unsettling dream. But do not ask about it, for I'd rather not speak of it.'

'Dark angels?' mused the robed figure, a wry grin fleeting upon his thin lips. 'Yes, I suppose we are that. But as for your dream, it is not nessessary to tell of it. For I know what you saw.'

'What? How?' Ahnold was quite puzzled. 'You're a psyker?'

'No, not as such... Let us just say there is little I do not know.'

'Well, whatever,' said Ahnold and rolled his eyes. Why, oh why, did he always land the mystic ones with their mumbo jumbo tones? 'But anyway, it was just a dream, right, caused by the scorpions poison? Right?'

'Wrong.' the Dark Angel commander was all serious now. 'The dream, as you called it, was real enough. You went to the warped realms, well, your spirit did anyway. And there you battled the most hated of foes, Horus the Warmaster. Or rather, his spirit. For as you know, Horus died battling our Emperor at the apex of the time we do not speak of.'

'I battled Horus?' stammered Ahnold. Then a wide grin spread itself upon his handsome face. 'I battled Horus! THE Horus! Man, this is some heavy duty stuff! Damn! I cannot wait to tell the press about this one! They'll be drooling all over me!'

'You thin they'll believe you? That any would believe you in such thing?' enquired the enigmatic robed figure. With clipped speech to boot.

'Sure they would!' Ahnold exclaimed. 'They're like brothers to me! Well, some of them anyway. They trust me without reservation! But just for the reference, what is your name, sir? I might have to pull it out if for some reason people start doubting my word...'

'None alive,' started the robed commander, 'knows my name. But you can call me Cypher.'

'Cypher eh?' Ahnold mused. 'I've heard that before, somewhere. But as to me, I'm Ahnold. Not that it needs telling. For everybody alive knows MY name!'

Suddenly, a frown upon Ahnold's hansome mien. 'Wait up,' he said to Cypher. 'If the battle was real, then what of Horuses claim that I'm his son? I mean I did get born just before the time we do not speak of, but... Surely not..?'

'I'm afraid it is true, Ahnold...'

'But how?'

'You'll have to ask your mother about that.'

'Yeah! Great idea!' Ahnold turned away for some privacy and tapped his commbead. 'Mother?' he said. 'Whisperer? Do you read me?' But there was no answer. Not even static.

'Darn,' sighed Ahnold. 'Mother is not in range. Which is strange. Usually she hangs around. Well, maybe she got wind of you and went under. Not to hide, mind! Not my mother! Just to, you know, to take cover and reckon the field, see?'

'No, she did not hide, I mean take cover, because of us,' sighed Cypher. 'For there is a much larger threat than us hanging around.'

'What? Where?' exclaimed Ahnold, scanning the dunes. They were quite deserted, apart from few reporters and some early joggers from nearby hive. A bit further, a mime had opened shop, and was miming the classic glass wall thing, putting Ahnolds teeth to an edge. He hated the bloody mimes. 'Not the bloody mime?' he enquired Cypher.

'No not the mime,' assured Cypher. 'It's the Sons of Horus. They emerged from the Warp some hours before, and have been on approach ever since.'

'Sons of Horus? Are there more? Apart from me, that is.'

'No, they're not his sons. They're his most fervent followers.'

'A daemonic scumm then. Well, easy enough. They're dead easy to kill, see? Cause they have no firearms or anything!'

'We should be so lucky,' Cypher mused. 'Daemons would be easy. These are not daemons, however, but of our kind. Space marines that went to the evil side during the time we do not speak of...'

'Chaos Marines!' cried Ahnold, dismayed. And well he might dismay. For there wa naught as dangerous in the galaxy as the chaos loonies that had once been real marines. Well, apart from Ahnold. And Marneus Calgar of course! 'No wonder mother hid! Took cover, I mean!'

'Quite,' clipped Cypher in clipped tones. As was his wont. 'And now, If you excuse me. I have to brief my men.'

Cypher stepped down to his men whom had been squatting upon the dunes, smoking and chattering. 'Gather around people,' he said, and the marines instantly obeyed.

'Now,' said Cypher in clipped tones. 'This is the drill: This here is Ahnold. He is the sole surviving son of Horus, the late Warmaster. A chapter of chaos marines, the Sons of Horus, is coming for him. We must not let them have him. For if they get him, it is the End Times all over again. So we will fight them to the last, and if it looks as if we are going to lose, we must do what is nessessary to Ahnold here.' Here Cypher made a throat cutting gesture. Unluckily Ahnold was not paying attention, trying, as he was, to gain contact with his mother again. 'Questions? Yes, Brian?'

'Well, boss,' said Brian, the questioning space marine, lowering his hand. 'You said Ahnold here is the sole son of Horus...'

'Yes?'

'But then you said that the sons of Horus are coming to get him. I mean how can they if Ahnold is...'

'The Sons of Horus are a chapter, not REAL sons of Horus. Do pay attention, Brian. Now, other questions? Yes, Brian...'

'Well, boss,' said Brian, the simple one, 'When do we get the gahvey break? I mean it's been a long morning and my blood sugar...'

'Are you telling me, Brian, that you have packed a field lunch? Again? Even though I have said it thousand times that you pack extra clips, NOT extra chips, when entering a major conflict zone?'

'Yes, boss, you have. But you see, my blood sugar... If it gets real low, like, I start feeling all weak and I might even faint!'

'But did I not tell you to go to the medic to get the shots for it?' Cypher was starting to look a bit miffed by now..

'Yes, boss, you did,' answered Brian, looking sheepish, 'But, you see, I don't like needles. I mean, I only have to see a needle and I faint!'

'And let me guess, you do not like fainting?'

'No boss! Got it in one boss! So how about the gahvey break? I reckon we have still ten minutes!'

'By the by,' interjected Ahnold suddenly, stepping up to Cypher. 'That's some sword you are carrying! May I see it?'

Without waiting for an answer, Ahnold reached over and pulled out the archaic sword jutting from Cypher's back. There was an intake of breath from the Dark Angels. Weapons were drawn and pointed to Ahnold with the exciting rattling noises always assosiated with such situations. There also came a sort of a clickety click from behind a nearby dune. Some paparazzi had just taken a brilliant frontpage shot!

'Oh, a broken sword,' harrumphed Ahnold, giving no notice to the guns trained to him. 'How original.' And with that he tossed the useless weapon back to Cypher. Whom fumbled the catch. The handicapped sword clattered to the hard ground and started to slip towards a nearby gorge. With a yelp, Cypher dived after it and only just saved it from a descent to the depths of the earth.

'Never again touch this blade!' hissed Cypher as he made to dust himself off. There was a flash of dark green armour from beneath his deep robes. Again. 'Or else!'

'Or else what?' quizzed Ahnold. Playfully, he shot his hand out to touch the broken steel.

'Oi! stop that!' cried out Cypher, trying to cover the weapon with his bulk. 'Youre acting like a bleeding juvie, you know that?'

'Well sorry,' Ahnold retorted. 'But what's so special about the darned thing? I mean it's so cliche, carrying around a broken sword!'

'We do not talk about The Sword,' Cypher whispered, sheating the blade.

'What do you mean we don't talk about it, boss?' quizzed the slow witted Brian at this, looking quite baffled. 'I mean it's the only thing we EVER talk about. How it's going to save the galaxy and return our honour when we bring it to the Emperor and...'

'Will you shut up about the sword!' screamed Cypher. Not for the first time he wondered why he, I mean why Luthor had bothered to convert these men to his side. Still, it was not as he had had any choise in the matter. Lion had taken his best men with him, leaving Luthor with the bottom of the litter. So to speak.

'Sorry boss,' moaned Brian, looking like a whipped dog. Which was pretty impressive feat, seeing as he was enclosed in a marine armour.

Suddenly, a light of regognition appeared in Ahnold's eyes. Cypher! Surely this was Cypher the Fallen, the fell champion of the Fallen Angels! And surely then, this was the fabled sword of Lion el Jonson. Wow! This was some deep stuff!

'Sorry about the sword thing,' said Ahnold, this time meaning it. 'I did not know. But man, you're sure are edgy. Have you tried degah?'

'Degah?' quizzed Cypher, perplexed. 'What's degah, precious, what's degah?'

'You dont know?' It was Ahnolds turn to look perplexed. 'It's been around for centuries!'

'Enlighten me. I'm afraid I've been a bit out of touch with these modern inventions of yours. The life of a renegade, always on the run, you know the drill...'

'Yeah, tell me about it!' nodded Ahnold, nodding sagely. 'But anyways, degah is like regular gahvey, only they have taken avay the gahveine form it. It tastes the same, but it does not make you edgy or anything. Saves your stomach acids too! I've been drinking the stuff for years, and let me tell you, I've never felt better!'

'Taken gahveine out of gahvey,' mused Cypher. A wry grin appearded upon his grim visage. 'Tell me, Ahnold, what is the point of drinking gahvey if it has no gahveine in it? I mean the point of gahvey is it gives you a kick, a boost if you will. Keeps you awake and on the edge. Frankly, without gahveine it's like youre drinking a very thin pea soup.' there was a sort of a keening whine. With a start, Ahnold realized that Cypher was laughing.

'Well, come to think of it that way,' admitted Ahnold, 'it does make no sense at all. And Whisperer has kept me on the stuff for ages! Oh, but he must have been laughing! HE always drinks regular! Says he needs it to survive! Man! To tell you the truth, I do not even remember what regular tastes like! Now is that sad or what?'

'Very sad,' admitted Cypher. 'But if it's gahvey you want, we can easily get you a mugfull.'

'You can? In a middle of a desert?'

'Sure. Hey Brian, hand over your thermos.'

Brian came over, and digging into his belt, came up with a shiny, steel capsule which he handed Cypher. Brian seemed a bit loath to hand it over.

'What's that?' quizzed Ahnold, keenly interested in the cylinder. 'Looks like some sort of archeotech.'

'It is,' said Cypher, twisting the capsule. An end came off with a hiss. There was a scent of freshly brewed gahvey. All the marines inhaled deeply, and ahhed. A genuine gahvey moment! 'It's a device that keeps your gahvey hot for days. Called thermos, it is. Sadly, they have lost the knowing of it, and cannot manufacture them any more. A relic of better days... But here, take a sip. But watch out, it's quite hot!'

Ahnold took the proffered thermos and lifted it to his lips. And took a carefull sip.

'Bleeding Emperor!' cried Ahnold as the fiery liquid burned it's way down his throat. 'You weren't half kidding it's hot! But hotness aside, this stuff tastes brilliant! It's the best darn gahvey I've had for centuries!' And with that admission, Ahnold took another pull, emptying the whole capsule to his gullet. Brian looked a bit miffed at this. He had been looking forward to the upcoming gahvey break, having been savouring the stirring taste of the brown liquid in his mind the whole morning.

'Mmmm!' sighed Ahnold as he tossed the thermos back to Brian. The marine took a rag out his belt and carefully wiped the thermoses mouth part clean, all the while giving dirty looks to Ahnold. Ahnold was about to comment upon this girlish fussiness, when a look of alarm suddenly filled his mien. Ahnold's mien, that is.

'Oh, no!' moaned Ahnold. 'no, no, no!'

'What's the matter?' enquired Cypher, puzzled.

'And I drank the whole bottle of it too!' kept Ahnold.

'What is it?' Cypher repeated. 'Talk to me man, dammit!'

'It's the Gahvey!' Ahnold gasped. The veins upon his forehead stood out like a daemon in an Ordo Malleus convention. 'I just remembered why I had to switch to degah! The gahveine makes me hyper, like in a very bad way!' Ahnold was twitching and shaking by now, his pupils all wide upon his poopeyed eyes. 'Quick, give me somethig to fight! If I cannot go crazy right now I'll have a cardiac arrest!'

'Yeah, gahveine does that to some,' grinned Cypher. 'But worry not! You are about to get your wish fulfilled! For if I am not mistaken, the Sons of Horus are finally here!'

And so they were!


To be continued!!!!!
*************************************

And there you have it, the excitement filled third part! In the next part, aptly called the Sons of Horus, we get so see some serious action! And get to know how Ahnolds mother can still be alive after all this time. To give you a hint therein: She is not alive. Well, not as such... And with these enigmatic word I bid you farewell!