Blood Angels-tarina

[Asdrubael]

Postaan tässä kaverini tarinan hänen pyynnöstään:

Well, here is a merry story about Blood Angels. Full of blood, fury and whatnot. And Shakespeare, apparently. It is called..


Mephiston on Shakespeare


Brother Corbulo was just finishing a breakfast of sturdy soycakes and juicy oranges. The Officer's canteen around him was quiet, present only his old comrades Lemartes, Guardian of the Lost, and Tycho, Captain of the 3th. Lemartes had already finished his meagre, and no doubt ascetic, share, and was consulting the latest Angel Times for interesting newsbits. Corbulo could see the upcoming birthday of Dante featuring heavily upon the front page.

Captain Tycho, on the other hand, was still busily masticating his third plate of rhinox bacon and batates. The lad seemed to have the appetite of a, well, rhinox. Mind you, Lemartes' bodyguard detail, a broody bunch of black clad Death Company marines, were doing just as well, jamming down on their plates of raw meat and crunchy bones with equal gusto. The sound of shattering bones was making Corbulo a bit queesy, so he decided to go and mix himself something soothing to drink at the close sidetable, where rows of chrystal decanters were glimmering beckoningly.

It was at this point the huge iron doors to the canteen hissed aside, and in swept a majestic figure clad in sickly red armour and volumnous black cloaks. Mephiston, the Chief Librarian of Blood Angels, and the Lord of Death, to boot, had arrived. The sinister figure was carrying a pile of dusty, papery scrolls and books, and these he thumped upon the table which Corbulo had just vacated. As Mephiston sat down and reached for a can of gahvey, Corbulo could see he was grinning. Something was definitely up.

'Right-o, comrades,' Mephiston ejaculated enthusiastically, looking around to his friends. 'Thought you would all be here! Excellent! For I have matters of great urgency to discuss with you all!'

'Oh, do not tell me,' interjected Lemartes, his voice weary behind his mask of death. '-Dante's birthday party preparations are afoot. I was starting to wonder what the old oaf was about this year.'

'I knew you were,' cried Mephiston happily. 'And curiosities will be satisfied presently! For this year it shall be something rather special. We shall, you see, play-act one of ancient Terra's most revered plays, from the master scrivener Shakespeare himself! How you like that, eh, master Lemartes?'

'That's more like it,' rumbled Lemartes, something like interest appearing in his voice. 'A lot of decent stuff, in Shakespeare. Bloody battles abound, nations at war, people dropping off left and right from poisonings, backstabbings and so forth. Now, just what play the old rascal had in mind? King John? Or Julius Caesar, mayhaps?'

'Close,' grinned Mephiston, 'but no cigar! We are, in fact, staging Romeo and Juliet!'

'What!' hooted Lemartes, banging his fist to the table. Alarmed by their master's antics, the Death Company detail nearby rose and pulled out their weapons, scanning for danger like the pros they were. 'Romeo and Juliet? But that's a romance! Stuff for pansies!'

'Maybe so,' answered Mephiston, 'but Dante insisted. And he wants all of us to play in it too... He's in one of his moods, so I'd rather none of you disagreed with him. He wants to play Romeo, by the way, so that part's taken...'

'In that case I'll go for master Capulet,' grunted Lemartes. 'That way I can give Dante such a smack!'

'Ookay,' nodded Mephiston, noting this down on his papers. 'Tycho?'

'What?' said Tycho, spraying rhinoxen all over the company. 'Oh! Balthasar, I think. Romeo's companion and all that. We have almost matching masks and stuff, Dante and I, so it'll look good too!'

'Good thinking there, lad,' nodded Mephiston. 'I like that in a man. Balthasar it is, and with that we have three of the most important parts down pat. But what about you, Corbulo? Corbulo???'

'Who calls so loud?' enquired Corbulo, turning from the bar, where he had been busy preparing a heady eggnog. 'What? What you all laughing about?'

'Nothing,' huffed Mephiston, tapping his eyes with a scarlet kerchief. 'But a brilliant idea has just occurred to me: You could play the apothecary. Yes, I know, he is a villain, of sorts, but a pivotal character nonetheless.'

'Suits me,' nodded brother Corbulo, taking a sip. 'No need to change my attire, then', he added happily. 'Maybe a cloak, though, I recall Shakespeare was quite big on cloaks.'

'Okay, we have our Romeo, Balthasar and Capulet,' hummed captain Tycho, his words slightly blurred by his grotesque disfiguration. 'And apothecary. So who is gonna play Juliet? One of the young recruits?'

'I rather think that would be me,' chirped in Mephiston.

'You?' coughed Lemartes, the Guardian of the Lost and other bits, his skull mask adding a nice echo to his puzzled utterance. The man was clearly aghast. -with looks to fit, I might add.

'Well obviously!' cried Mephiston, pouting his lips and twirling his golden hair in what he probably thought of as a coquettish way, 'I have the figure, I have the silken hair AND I'm dressed the part already, so no need to bother our armour department for a dress. Which is a good thing. I mean I once ordered a light evening dress from them, you know, to get out of the old thing for the less formal occasions...'

'I'm sure you did,' interjected brother Corbulo hastily, 'I'm sure you did. But don't you think we could get a real lady to play the part for the big night? I mean it is Dante's birthday. I'm sure he would appreciate it the morning after...'

The last bit was said with a lewd wink, which made captain Tycho start. 'Hold on a bit,' the young captain said past his mask, 'Your not suggesting Lord Dante would, um, dillydally with a female?'

'Why not?' barked Corbulo, clearly amused by the youth. 'It wouldn't be the first time, not by a long shot! Or perhaps you think Dante would rather sport with a man?'

'Course not,' Tycho hastily answered. 'But women... Surely we are not allowed to even bring one here, at the fastness, let alone, um, have a physical contact with one. I'm pretty sure it's agains our laws and such, don't you agree, Lemartes?'

'Nothing about it in the Litanies of Hate,' mumbled Lemartes evasively, suddenly very captivated by the morning newspaper.

'But the Code of Conduct!' continued Tycho, turning from one hero to other, clearly troubled by the subject. No doubt it was a matter he had pondered much in the long watches of the night.

'Lad,' said Lemartes as kindly as he could manage, putting the paper down, and taking captaing Tycho aside in a confidential manner. 'The Codes are not laws as such. They are more of a guidelines really. I mean yes, the Code of Conduct forbids us to have a contact with a female, in purposes of intercourse, it's goal to stop semisuperhumans popping up all over the place. But do you for a minute think any marine would actually follow the said code. After all, we are all men here!'

'Quite true,' added Mephiston. 'Take our history, now. More dalliances recorded in the secret archives than you could shake a finger at. Or a claw, as it might be. And I'm the librarian, so I should know. Personally, I cannot see what exactly it is the men see in these frivolous creatures... But I digress. Lemartes is right. You do not have to follow our Code to the letter...'

'Well I bloody well have followed our Code to the letter!' interrupted Tycho, now seriously miffed. 'All my life, boy and marine! And NOW you say it is more of a guideline?!? Now?!? When I'm nothing but a disfigured man, and an affront to women! Oh thank you so very much!'

'I do not see how that would affect the proceedings,' tossed Corbulo, 'not unless you have been disfigured waist down. Which you have not, as I was the one patching you up. But then again, you would not know about brothels... But hold on, are you saying you are a virgin???'

'Well of course I bloody well am!' cried Tycho. 'I thought everyone of us was! I thought that was the whole point, being pure, unsullier warrior breed and all... And I do not see anything funny about it, so you can all just stop smirking!'

'Lad's right,' interjected Lemartes in his kindest chaplainly voice. Which was not that kind, coming through a death mask an all. 'Nothing wrong being a virgin. It is a state of pureness, a state which provably heightens man's spiritual awareness and, in psykers, their psychic potentia, so I for one am proud to find a marine who has wanted to adhere to our code.'

'Wanted?' Huffed captain Tycho, 'Who said I wanted to adhere to the trice cursed Code? I thought it was the bloody law!!! But you know what? It's all over for me! -For I'm going to go visit a brothel. Right bloody now. And I DO know what brothel is thank you very much. Heard about them enough from my men, although at the time I thought they were just pulling my leg, the way men do. Only they weren't, as it turns out. Well, it's my time now to have some fun, and a high time it is too. Goodbye. I see you at the dress rehearsals. Or not. I may be a while.'

There was an angry hiss from the door, followed by embarrassed silence. The companions busied themselves with gahvey, each lost in his own thoughts. And so it was that Dante, the Lord of all Blood Angels, took them quite by surprise as he silently glided into the room in his golden attire.

'Hiya, comrades,' quipped Dante, sounding to be in a fine mood. Although with his mask and all, it was anybodys quess as to his real temperament. 'No need to get up! And I can get my own gahvey, Corbulo, so keep your seat. By the by, is there a new war on nobody told me about. Only I just passed captain Tycho going the other way, and he looked seriously put off. Did not even so much as nod to me. Where was he going? To butcher some aliens?'

'Nah, just a brothel,' answered Corbulo.

'Brothel?' asked Dante, scanning the faces and masks of his old comrades in arms. 'Oh, I see! Well, a bloody time too! Good fo him and so forth! I was getting heartily sick of his saintly ways, I do not mind telling you, and so were lot of his men. Well, that's fixed, then! Excellent! But now, to the point; Everyone is already been briefed about Romeo and Juliet? Good. Now, you find me a Juliet yet?'

'Yep, said Mephiston, beaming happily. 'Me!'

'Not bloody likely!' cried Dante, the lord of all he surveyed. 'there's no way in Terra I'm going to court YOU, be it on stage or not!'

'What?' huffed Mephiston, acting all insulted. 'Why not? You did not have any problems with it at Corpus Trajan IX as I recall...'

'Mephiston?'

Yes, my lord Dante?'

'Shut up.'


The end

[Bartholen]

Jo pelkästään se, että tämän tarinan otsikossa äärimmäisen poikkeuksellisesti EI oltu tehty välimerkkivirhettä riitti kiinnittämään huomioni. Mutta mikä tarina! Voisin sanoa, että hauskinta juttua, mitä olen 40k-universumista lukenut!